there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
