the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
