Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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