I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Houston, we have a squirter
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
