i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
