Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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