Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize