I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can I color on your dick again?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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