she was so not down for the gang bang
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
