I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize