so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
