I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
