i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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