he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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