I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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