First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So squirting runs in the family.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
