yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
