Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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