mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
