a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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