Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
