Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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