you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
