im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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