You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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