Well apparently he's into motor boating.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
