She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
