We won't sleep together?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
