Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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