Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
