I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
