Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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