Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
