I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize