is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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