the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
