I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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