I cockslap morals
You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize