you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Shame - the story of my life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
