i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize