wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
