her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
