Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize