I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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