you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
