I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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