I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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