Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
