I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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