New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
