And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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