I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it because I queefed?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
