Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
