So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
