Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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