no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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