I'm going to jail i love you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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