nutella sex= disaster
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
