someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
