Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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