question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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