just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
