and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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