Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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