She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
