Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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