i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
