Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
