I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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