3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
