At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
