Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
