I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
