shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
