Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize