things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize