Cold hands, warm shart.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
