Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
