It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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