So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
