He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
