I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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