She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i will never coherently bang her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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