god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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