Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
