Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize