The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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