We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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