WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
