Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize