I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
