When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
