if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
