Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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