The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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