The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
