Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
