Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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