ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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