can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize