do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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