You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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